


Uranomania

by st4rtr3nd3r



Series: God!Connor Hours [1]
Category: DSMP - Fandom, DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Acceptance, Blood God Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Connor-centric, Denial, Gen, God Connor, God Jschlatt, God Philza, God Tecnoblade, God of Chaos Jschlatt, God of Creation Philza, God of Time Connor, God!Connor, God!Jschlatt, God!Philza, Good guy Jschlatt, connor is in denial, death mention, god AU, god!techno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-26 18:33:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30110220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/st4rtr3nd3r/pseuds/st4rtr3nd3r
Summary: 3 times Connor refuses to admit he's a God, and one time he does.---Having Connor lore brain rot, take this.
Relationships: Connor | ConnorEatsPants & Clay | DreamWasTaken, Connor | ConnorEatsPants & Dream, Connor | ConnorEatsPants & DreamWasTaken, Connor | ConnorEatsPants & Jschlatt, Connor | ConnorEatsPants & Karl Jacobs, Connor | ConnorEatsPants & Phil Watson, Connor | ConnorEatsPants & Philza, Connor | ConnorEatsPants & Sapnap, Connor | ConnorEatsPants & Technoblade
Series: God!Connor Hours [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2215692
Kudos: 49





	Uranomania

**Author's Note:**

> (n.) obsession with the idea of divinity

Connor was used to death, it was a constant. Death kept him grounded, reminding him that time passes in waves. He didn't mind death, not anymore. He watched his friends die, and at times he'd never see them before they were taken by her; not that their deaths mattered, he'd just make sure to see them next time. 

Connor cared, once, he thinks. He wrote it out in a diary. He wasn't eloquent with his words, not that it had changed any. His words were never perfect, always wobbly and wrong. He wrote in small sentences, joking about things that made him want to cry. It was easier, and it may have helped him accept the certainty of death. It didn't make watching his friends die easier at first, but watching it happen enough made it white noise. Death wasn't permanent for them, they'd always get resurrected into a new life. Connor just had to be patient. 

He rather enjoyed wandering the world, his new-found voices keeping him company. They could be rather loud, but more than made up for it in their jokes. And they'd be quiet if he asked firmly enough. It was nice. 

They never spoke when he stargazed, though he couldn't place why. It was calming, but not grounding. He'd daydream about flying into the stars, talking to faces he'd never seen before (except for a few, familiar friends. He never called them by their names, strangely enough. Chaos, Creation, and Blood. Sometimes he'd call his friends these names, and the baffled looks he got made him try even harder to not call them those names.)

The voices called him Connor, mostly. Sometimes a voice or two would call him Time. He couldn't explain why, but he still responded. Someone asked him what time it was and somehow the question had baffled him. He’d thought to himself "How can humans tell the time when I can't?" The question felt like poison in his mouth, he almost gagged. He was human, but his voices screamed that he wasn't. He hadn't fallen asleep that night. 

Connor thought about all these things, of course he did, but he had no idea what any of it meant. The voices called him a God, which was ridiculous. He was just some guy in a Sonic onesie, talking to the voices in his head and reminiscing on things that had never been. 

Connor gazed at the stars, smiling tiredly at the fake constellations Schlatt and he had made. He traced them with his finger, eyes twinkling with the stars. 

He hadn't seen Schlatt in a while, he kept dying too soon for him to see. It made him frown. He missed Schlatt. Sure, he could go back in time and see him again, but he didn't really care to see the person he'd already gone back to see a thousand times. Schlatt had started to notice he was acting weird, anyway. 

Connor closed his eyes and hummed, listening to the familiar sound of someone coming to sit next to him. He was well known in the town for sitting there every night, unaging. They had called him a free therapist, and he found it amusing. People would come to him with questions, and he'd answer earnestly. It was mostly teens, he quickly noticed. There were a few he saw often, one going by Dream. He was the only one he knew by name. 

"Are you immortal?" the teen had asked him once. He hummed softly, tracing Techno's Crown (a constellation Schlatt had made) with his finger. 

"I haven't died or aged in a while," is all Connor says. He can't say for certain that he cannot die, since he had never tried. He wasn't interested in it. 

The teen looked at the constellation he was tracing, furrowing his eyebrows. "What constellation is that?"

Connor chuckled at the question. "Techno's Crown," Connor smiled as Dream's eyes shone with recognition at the name, "It's not a real constellation. I made it with Schlatt some lifetimes ago. Techno called us simps when he heard the name, but I think he liked it." Dream chuckled at the story. 

"Yeah, sounds like him. You talked to him in another lifetime?"

"I talk to him in most lifetimes. I don't run into you much, but you're nice to talk to when I do. I actually haven't been seeing my friends recently, I've been moving around too much."

Dream hums in response, "Do you miss them?"

"All the time, but I love watching the world change slowly. I can't bear to stay in one spot long, and I'm already getting antsy here. It's too slow, I think. Too quiet and too peaceful. I was born in war times, there was always a fight and people kept betraying each other. It's so strange to see the peace, it makes me miss the chaos."

Dream looks down at Connor, whose eyes are still gazing silently at the stars. He seems focused like he's trying to find another constellation that's just out of reach. Connor slowly turns his gaze to him, sticking his tongue out at the teen. Dream rolled his eyes at him. 

"Do you think your friends would move around with you?" 

"They might, but most of them have families to stay with. I couldn't ask them to abandon that. I don't mind being alone, though. It's nice sometimes. I miss people. after a while, and I always end up talking to them again. It just doesn't last forever. People are tiring." Dream nods. 

"Do you think you're a God?" Connor laughed at the question. 

"I'm as close to being a God as a caterpillar is. I might be an immortal time-traveling necromancer, but I'm no God." Dream hums. 

"Your aura says otherwise." Connor cocks an eyebrow. 

"Your aura," Dream reiterates, "it's the same as a God's. Did you know they've been missing a Time God for the same amount of time you've been immortal?"

Connor just laughs, waving his hand. 

"A coincidence is all it is. I'm almost as human as you, I just happen to be immortal."

Dream sighs, standing up. 

"One of these days you're going to have to admit to being a God."

Connor frowns at the stars. 

"Just not today," if Connor sniffles, it isn't Dream's place to say. 

"Just not today," Dream agrees, walking back to his home.  
\---  
The first time Connor sees Phil since his first life, he is on the run. Not from the police, but rather just watching the world go by. Phil happened to run the shop he needed to buy supplies from. Connor smiled politely at him, feigning that he did not recognize him. Philza's eyes shone with recognition (most people would not have noticed, but Connor had gotten used to watching for small signs of emotion in people.) 

"What do ya need?" Phil's voice is soft, like if he speaks too loud Connor will turn on his heel and run. Connor hums, looking at his selection of items.

"Mainly food, how about a stack of bread and steak?" Phil nods, grabbing the items for him as Connor readies his money. Phil places them down, along with a clock. Connor raises his eyebrow at the clock, picking up the item and looking at it. 

The clock was rather simple. It was black with white hands and no numbers, but engraved on the back was "To the new Time God." Connor blinked at it, turning it over in his hands again. The clock's hands faced him no matter how much he turned the clock, he noticed as he fidgeted with it. 

Ah, the voices recognized it.

"From Attai, praise the new God!" 

Connor looks at Philza, whose eyes have begun to water. He seemed happy, and Connor couldn't really blame him. Phil was the God of Creation (if the voices chanting Creation meant anything) and had probably been trying to figure out who had replaced his creation for the God of time. 

If anything, he should be disappointed. Philza didn't seem disappointed. It baffled Connor. Connor was wearing a silly onesie, he'd named the voices in his head, he only really talked to the voices in his head, and he didn't really have friends outside of them. Connor was rather alone. He liked to not think about it.

"Time..." Philza mumbles, his voice wavering. Connor slams the money on the counter, grabbing the food and sprinting out. 

Today wasn't the day for admitting he was a God. Today was another day of pretending that Connor was Connor, and he was not a God.  
\---  
Connor sits on a cliff, gazing at the sun as it sets. He covers him in a halo, not that anyone would have been able to see it. His brown hair turned golden and his blue eyes got freckles of green as the sun practically made him glow. Connor softly crunched on an apple, eyes not leaving the sunset. The cotton candy sky battled for dominance, not able to decide if it should be blue, pink, purple, or orange. The colors danced around each other, almost distracting Connor enough to not notice the crunch of leaves beside him. 

Connor turns at the sound, the apple still hanging out of his mouth. His eyebrows furrow at the person, who has sat down beside him at this point. Connor almost recognizes him, he doesn't remember having spoken to him before. The sun reflected in his blue eyes and made his void-like hair golden at its tips. Connor can almost see a fire in his eyes. 

"Hello," the man says, and his voice sparks more recognition in Connor. He huffs, taking the apple out of his mouth.

"Hi." The man doesn't pay him any more attention, and Connor doesn't complain. He liked the silence. Connor starts eating the apple quieter, trying to fade into the background. He heard two more sets of footsteps, hearing the man beside him chuckle softly. 

"They're looking for me," the man laughs softly as he speaks. Connor rolls his eyes.

"Want me to hide you?" Connor jokes, surprised when the man ends up on his lap.

"Yes! I told them they wouldn't find me and we made a bet!" Connor rolls his eyes, sitting straight up to hide the man from sight. Connor heard the two men walk by, and tensed up when he heard them walk over. Connor picked the man up, placing him on the cliff below and silently pointing to a nearby cave. The man grinned at him and sprinted in. The two other men walked over to Connor.

"Have you seen a man, about yea tall?" Connor shakes his head, not exactly lying since he didn't remember how tall the man was. Connor looked up at the two, feeling a sense of recognition that faded into oblivion again. The man into a multi-colored hoodie spoke up first.

"We saw him run this way! There's no way you're not hiding him," he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. The other boy rolled his eyes at him, running off to go find the man they were looking for. The man stayed there longer, staring at Connor. He narrowed his eyes at him, before letting them widen in recognition. 

"Connor?!"

Connor's heart stopped as he recognized him. 

"Uh, yeah- heh- that's me..." 

"I know you're a time traveler! I saw you in the past!" Connor winced at the mention of time travel. 

"Uh..." Connor only said that before he slammed his mouth shut. God, he was bad at this. The man sat down next to him excitedly, beginning to ramble on about something Connor couldn't remember. 

God, Connor's been alive too long for this. 

"Uhm, sorry dude, but I've been alive for a really long time. Like- uh- I recognize you? But, like, I can't put a name to a face." The man chuckled.

"Yeah, I probably should've realized that. How long have you been wearing that onesie?" Connor puffed his cheeks out, rolling his eyes.

The man smiled warmly at him, though, "My name's Karl." 

"Well- it's nice to see you again. I think I liked you? Don't quote me on that, though." Karl laughs, making Connor grin.

It's been a while since he last talked to someone. He got giddy from someone just laughing at his joke instead of hearing chat just say "not funny" on repeat. He talks with Karl for a while, forgetting about the man he'd sent into the cave who could most definitely hear them talking about time-traveling adventures. 

Karl soon asks the question Connor had been dreading all his life. 

"So, how are you immortal?" Connor's breath hitches at the question, and he bites roughly down on his lip. The silence that follows the question is deadly, and he can feel Karl staring into his soul. 

"Uh- I have to go," Connor scrambles to his feet, barely in his right mind to grab his bag. He sprints away, hoping that the man doesn't follow. chat begins chanting something about time, and he just doesn't care. 

"I'm not a God," Connor mumbles, again and again, tears stinging in his eyes. 

Connor isn't a God. Today just wasn't his day.  
\---  
Connor stands on an abandoned battlefield, watching the day slowly dip into the night. The crater has been there for years, longer than Connor would've expected. When he came back to where L'manberg once stood, he expected to see the land terraformed. 

Connor jumped down into the hole, wandering around the abandoned place. He wasn't really around for L'manberg, he never mourned its death. He still didn't really care, though he figured he should've.

Connor thought that L'manberg shouldn't have existed at all. 

Connor kicked a nearby rock, humming softly as it hit against another, larger rock. He heard someone walk behind him, and he sighed. He knew this story all too well. He turned to look at the man, smiling softly at the familiar ram horns. He walks over to him, tapping his shoulder. Schlatt jumps, turning around to fight him. He visibly softened at the sight of Connor grinning. 

"Hey." 

"Hey."

Connor opened his arms up for a hug, to which Schlatt easily complied. Connor buried his face in his shoulder and chuckled, knowing that Schlat missed him as much as he had missed Schlatt. They stayed in the hug for a few minutes, dumb smiles on both of their faces. 

Connor pulls away first, tears framing his face as he stares up at Schlatt. 

"God- I haven't seen you in so fucking long," Connor laughs as Schlatt speaks. Schlatt huffs, shoving Connor, "Don't laugh- I missed you!"

Connor couldn't help but laugh. 

"I didn't think I'd see you for another while, Chaos-" Connor snapped his mouth shut, watching Schlatt's face distort into something he couldn't decipher. Connor felt his hands shake.

"Uh- I meant Schlatt, haha, don't know where that came from," Connor laughs nervously, knowing his lie didn't land. Schlatt sighs.

"Connor, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, you need to stop being such a fucking idiot." Connor looks at the ground. "You- You're the God of Time. You KNOW that! Why- why won't you just accept it? What's wrong with being a God?" Connor hides his face with his onesie.

"I don't- I'm not a God- I can't be! I-I wasn't supposed to be, I'm not ready," Connor begins to babble, not really knowing what he was trying to say. 

Connor can't be a God.

Gods are evil. 

Gods make friends betray each other, Gods take away the few people who were stupid enough to call him friends, Gods are hungry for blood, Gods are merciless.

Connor isn't any of that.

Connor tries to not betray trust, (sometimes he can't help it- just like any human) Connor has not taken a life, Connor didn't hunger for blood, Connor was merciful.

But...

Connor was a God. He knew it. Schlatt knew it. Everyone knew it. If Connor was a God, that meant he was evil.

Connor didn't want to be evil.

Connor didn't have a choice. He was never asked. He never got a fucking warning. He just woke up one day, voices in his head and powers he could barely control. Connor felt tears pour down his face as Schlatt continued to yell at him. Connor didn't understand what he did wrong.

Was he being evil? 

Schlatt suddenly shut up, Connor's brows furrowing. It took a few seconds before Connor realized he was sobbing loudly. He choked on his cries and crumpled to the ground, curling into himself.

Schlatt sat down in front of him, concern glossing over his expression. 

"I- I don't want to be a God," Connor whimpered out, gasping for air as sobs continued to shake his body, "They're- they're all fucking evil. They're all bloodthirsty, please, I don't want to be a God," Connor clung to Schlatt's shoulders. Schlatt ran his fingers through his hair, humming softly.

Connor continued to babble until Schlatt put a hand over his mouth, silencing him immediately.

"Connor, you- you don't have to be like the other Gods. Hell, I doubt you'd be like them even if you tried. You care too much about other people, it's sometimes concerning," Schlatt chuckles, "Not every God is evil, I promise. I- I don't know what they did to you before, but you're not like them. You don't have to be." 

Connor and Schlatt stayed there for hours, Connor finally letting the crushing weight of being a God hit him. Schlatt holds him the entire time, softly telling him stories until he falls asleep in his lap.

Connor was a God. Connor was the God of Time. He was okay with that, so long as Schlatt stayed by his side.


End file.
